What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 02:47
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We all went to grammer schools
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do doctors refuse HRT to menopausal women but hand them out to trans people?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I don,t even have a pension.
How likely is it to make a living out of being a window cleaner in a Nordic country?
But, we were locked up after school.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
Put me off passion for life!!
What is the most ridiculous obviously false verse in the Bible?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was very sick at this time too.
What is after school detention like in your school?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I waited trembling.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
All the time i was locked up.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Especially a lifetime of it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She loved him until the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When she asked me how she looked .
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were not on the streets..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Was to survive, this bastard.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is soul school!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it wasn’t much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My life is so biszare .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She married twice! .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My family never makes their pension either.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was scared of men, in general
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I have no regrets .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was 9 years of age.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Comes on , in middle age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was seconnd youngest,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She found it foreign!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I write beautiful poetry .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only rule us 5 kids had .